2016 in review

JANUARY

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In January, Devin and I took a road trip to New York, with a stop in Cleveland on the way. Seeing lots of friends (and one cousin––hi, Bridget!) was the perfect start to the year.

FEBRUARY 

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In February I traveled to Phoenix to celebrate my favorite valentine on her first birthday. I wasn’t sure what my first birthday in Madison would be like, but my friend Makeba came to visit, and it ended up being really fun!

MARCH

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Illustrating Immigration, a collaborative project featuring art by Anja Riebensahm, was published in March. When Anja and I came up with the idea to illustrate true stories about immigration to counter negative stereotypes, we had no idea how much worse anti-immigrant rhetoric would get. 2016 has been a terrifying, tiring year for many immigrants, and 2017 will likely see a deterioration of the few rights undocumented Americans have won in the past eight years. I feel sick when I think about it, and I am even more committed to sharing migration stories and encouraging solidarity in any way I can.

APRIL

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I finally perfected my tacos al pastor recipe, which felt like heaven for this Mexican vegetarian who misses almost all of her favorite foods.

MAY

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In May, I wrote about my grandmother’s feminism (alternate title: basketball, divorce, and secret leave-your-husband funds). 

JUNE

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My five-year college reunion happened this summer. Fortunately, I’ve been able to see most of my friends from college very often, but it was great to live in the dorms for a few days and have everyone in one place. I especially liked photographing people and trying to capture what I love about them. This is Salim, the happiest person I know.

JULY

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In July, I went to Playa del Carmen with my aunt and my mom. Then, I went to Mexico City to see two of my sobrin@s and my cousins before going to Chihuahua to see the rest of my family. I started 2016 thinking I wouldn’t be able to spend much time in Mexico, so I felt extra lucky to spend a month there.

AUGUST

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I got to take a quick trip to New York at the end of the summer. My friends Chris and Dani had extra tickets to Afropunk, where everyone’s style was so good that I got over my fear of asking strangers if I could take their picture. 

SEPTEMBER 

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In September I came back to Wisconsin, in time to get flowers from the farmers’ market and have a surprise party for Devin and his greatest friends.

OCTOBER

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My beautiful, up-for-anything friend Melissa came to visit me in Madison, and I laughed for four days straight. Here we are in miniature as part of an exhibition called Lovey Town.

 NOVEMBER 

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After the election, Devin and I drove to Chicago and went to Trinity United Church of Christ, the church that President Obama and his family attended when they lived there. They post clips of the sermons every week on Instagram––this one is my favorite.

DECEMBER 

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The best part of Christmas was hearing Carlos Manuel ask, “¿Es mío?” before opening each present to make sure he wasn’t opening someone else’s gift.

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2016 in review

Rethinking My Thanksgiving

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My favorite thing to do in the whole wide world is to make a big meal and eat with people I love. If I could feed 10 friends every night, I would be very, very happy. So, usually, Thanksgiving (or as my family calls it, Senguiben) is one of my favorite times of the year.

This year is different. Thanks to the water protectors at Standing Rock, I am more aware of Native American suffering and human rights violations than I ever have been. Instead of spending money on fancy ingredients and decorative gourds, I decided to donate that money to Standing Rock. Here is the link to donate.

And in case you haven’t heard about the people who have gathered in prayer to protect the water, sacred grounds, and indigenous sovereignty, here are a few links I used to learn about the water protectors and why they are protesting the Dakota Access Pipeline.  

ARTICLE
Read about Standing Rock and Native American history.

“[T]he tribes gathered at Standing Rock today are trying to stop a natural gas pipeline operator from bulldozing what they say are sacred sites to construct a 1,172-mile oil pipeline. The tribes also want to protect the Missouri River, the primary water source for the Standing Rock Reservation, from a potential pipeline leak.”

PODCAST
This week’s episode of Another Round is about Standing Rock and the conditions water protectors are currently facing.

Heben talks with Dr. Adrienne Keene about Standing Rock and the #NoDAPL (Dakota Access Pipeline) movement in North Dakota. We hear stories from people on the ground about preparing for winter, police violence, and healing.”

VIDEO
The Standing Rock Sioux recently released an eight-minute documentary about the ongoing struggle to stop the Dakota Access Pipeline.

“ ‘This film tells the story of our prayerful and peaceful demonstrations by water protectors that have motivated thousands of tribal members and non-Native people around the world to take a stand,’ said the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe’s Chairman, Dave Archambault II in a release. ‘In it, you hear the voices of people fighting for their lives, because water is life.’ ”

BLOG POST
Dr. Adrienne Keene’s photos and first-person account of being at Standing Rock, reflections on seeing the violence inflicted by police, and how we can help.

“All day I had been—without hyperbole—nearly certain I was going to watch someone die, and the stress weighed heavy. The next morning I tried to work on another piece of writing, and broke down in tears when Word ate it. The tears were not for the lost words, but for the fear and frustration and sadness at what I had watched on the plains. This is hard. With each day I am reminded again and again of how little we as Native peoples matter to US settler society.”

Rethinking My Thanksgiving

I spent Election Night at a Republican Watch Party

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Last night I watched the election results with the Republican Party of Wisconsin.

Devin and I ended up there almost by chance. It was one of the few public parties within walking distance of our house, and I was curious about what it would be like, since so much of the news has focused on the fight about Trump within the Republican Party.

Soon after we arrived, Fox News declared that Trump had won Wisconsin––the first time a Republican presidential candidate has won the state since 1984. The people in the ballroom chanted, “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” I started to panic. Minutes later I lost sight of Devin, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

But then I met a very polite older woman from Dodgeville, whose life revolves around praying and hospice care because after taking care of her mother and husband as they died, she realized she had a calling. Talking to her felt so normal that I almost forgot where I was. She gave Devin and me advice about helping people we love if they ever develop dementia and talked about joining the Republican Party after visiting the Capitol to pray with the priest from her church during the historic Wisconsin protests. It was hard for me to imagine this kindly gray-haired woman voting for Trump, but watching the election results, she seemed genuinely happy.

“Have you ever seen A League of Their Own?,” she asked.

We shook our heads.

“Oh, when you go home you have to look up the scene where Tom Hanks says, ‘We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!’ I had it playing in my mind all last week, and I didn’t know if it was about Trump or the Cubs,” she puts her hand over her heart, “Who would have thought it would be both!”

It didn’t seem ironic to her that the movie she referenced to celebrate Donald Trump’s victory over Hillary Clinton was about the triumph of a women’s team.

She gave us her card in case we ever want to talk about caregiving. On the front it has a dove holding an olive branch, the Christian symbol of peace.

The party was in a hotel ballroom, and at midnight they kicked us out. At the beginning of the night, there were approximately 70 people, and about 25 of us ended up watching the elections results in the hotel bar surrounded by hotel guests. The few I talked to explained that they were in town for various professional conferences.

A man who looked very young sat down next to me and asked where all these people had come from. I explained that we’d come from a election watch party upstairs. “For Trump?,” he asked, gesturing to one of the few apparent men of color wearing a “TRUMP” button on his suit jacket. I nodded.

He explained that he had been at a party in the bar on the 12th floor, where everyone was busy placing bets.

I asked him who he’d bet on, and he told me he doesn’t bet, and if he had, it wouldn’t have been for Trump.

“I mean, I voted for him, but I really didn’t think he’d win.”

He explained that he was in town for an electrical engineering training and had not figured out how to cast his ballot before coming to Madison.

“I woke up at 4:45 and drove back to Milwaukee to vote. A lot of people said, ‘Why are you even voting? Hillary’s definitely going to win,’ and I thought that, too, even though I did think there were a lot of people like me. I think there’s some truth to what she was saying––I don’t remember her name,” he looks toward the screen.

“Megyn Keylly?”

“Yeah, what she was saying about the ‘shy Trump voters.’ I think I’m kind of like that. Everyone around me said Trump would never win. Nobody was going to vote for Trump. And I was like, ‘I don’t know…there are a lot of reasonably––reasonable––people who are voting for Trump but not saying it publicly.’ That’s how I was.”

He told me that this was his first election, even though he could have voted in the last presidential election. “I had just finished high school. I didn’t really know anything. I don’t know… to me it’s a privilege––people say it’s a duty, and everyone has to vote, but I think it’s a privilege. If you’re uninformed, you shouldn’t vote.”

In the background a man dressed in sequined Uncle Sam suit yelled, “Let’s change the channel to MSNBC––don’t you wanna see Rachel Maddow cry?”

Most of the gathered Republicans shook their heads. Some gestured, “Oh, be quiet.”

“I can’t wait to see Hillary convulsing when she gives her concession speech!,” yelled the sparkly Uncle Sam.

A few people laughed. One White woman said, “My friend just texted me, ‘I’ve never wanted to see Hillary speak until tonight!’”   

The young man I was talking to furrowed his brow, “People like that give us a bad name.”

At 1:30 a.m. the bar abruptly turned off the television to announce that it was closed.

Again, Uncle Sam tried to get everyone’s attention. This time he tried to start a “Lock her up! Lock her up!” chant. About 10 people joined in, but it didn’t last more than a few seconds. My impression was that they were more excited to see Trump win than to see Clinton lose. The group clapped for a second before leaving the hotel.

On the sidewalk we ran into the older woman from Dodgeville again. Her friend, another older White woman, said, “It’s a great night.”

The woman from Dodgeville nodded solemnly, “It’s a great night.”

Devin and I said good night and started our walk home.

The people I met were not the caricatures of bigotry and misogyny I feared I would meet. But they still voted for someone who is.

I spent Election Night at a Republican Watch Party

Las Guayabas

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19 July 2016

Sometimes my identity feels like a party trick.

“Oh, you’re from Mek-see-koe!,” a wide-eyed voice exclaims.

I nod eagerly.

And I feel like a poodle on its hind legs.

But sometimes, my identity, which is so often unseen for reasons beyond my control, feels like a superpower.

The power to subvert expectations.

It happened yesterday at a Patel Brothers grocery store in Schaumburg, Illinois where I was helping my friend Ariel fulfill mango orders for the Indian diaspora of Central Wisconsin. (Ariel’s partner Shashank is from India, so they are very connected with Indian families that live near them, and when one of them is near an Indian grocery store, they bring mangos back for the group. I want this system but for Mexican snacks, please and thank you.)

There I am, inspecting boxes of mangos and realizing there aren’t nearly enough when I overhear two employees speaking Spanish. I turn and ask if there are any mangos in the back, and one of them, who seems to be the Chief Mango Stocker––clearly an essential job in a store that specializes in produce from the subcontinent––seems happily surprised to hear me speak Spanish.

“Where are you from?,” he asks.

I tell him I’m from Chihuahua and his look of surprise transforms into a grin that fills his whole face.

He leaves and returns, hidden behind cases and cases of mangos on wheels. And as he gradually reappears, transferring the cartons of mangos from the rolling contraption to our two waiting carts, he starts telling me his story.

“See those guavas?,” he points to a display, “I’m from Aguascalientes. My family grows guavas.”

On his phone, he shows me pictures from his family’s orchard. A close-up of guavas on the tree. The house he built with money he earned stocking the guavas he used to grow. Guavas he left behind because he couldn’t make enough money to live. A house he hardly ever gets to visit.

“I had a son,” he continues.  “He was two. He fell in the pool. I couldn’t even go to the funeral…”

There is a pause, and I think we are both asking ourselves the same questions.

What if he’d never had to leave Aguascalientes? What if the border were just a line on a map that everyone could cross? What if he could have brought his baby here? What if he could have saved his son?

He attempts a look of resignation. “Así es la vida. Difícil…”

I nod.

What I really want to do is yell, “No! Your life shouldn’t be this hard! Nobody’s life should be this hard!”

By then, our carts are full of mangos; customers approach him to ask for help; Ariel and I say goodbye.

Of course, I don’t know that he shared all of this with me because I’m from Mexico. Maybe he is always this vulnerable with strangers. Maybe he tells everyone his story. Maybe this is how he grieves.

But I have this experience often. I say I’m from Mexico or I talk back in Spanish, and I see the other person loosen. It is the shift from “You are different” to “We’re the same,” from distant to close, from gringa to paisana. It is the collapse of a small border.

Driving away from the grocery store, I think about a talk I saw Mia Mingus give in which she talked about the importance of articulating not only what we’re fighting against, but what we’re fighting for and making real plans. She wrote about it on her blog:

“[W]e are good at resisting. We are good at fighting for the world we don’t want. We are good at analysis and analyzing things up and down (and sometimes into oblivion). We are skilled at naming what we don’t want. I think we are less skilled at naming what we do want; our visions for liberation. And not just vague things like, ‘ending white supremacy and heterosexism,’ but how are all the children going to get fed? Who will clean the toilets? Who will take out the trash? Who will cook the food?”

OK, I think, what do I want?

I imagine having to articulate my plans in front of Congress, but all I can picture is me, standing at a podium, looking at the legislators and sharing my new friend’s story. I conclude with my call to action: “If his family grows guavas in Aguascalientes, don’t you think it’s wrong that the only way he can make a living is by stocking guavas in Illinois? I mean, how does that even make sense? If they grow the actual guavas, and the guavas are what’s being sold, why can’t they make a profit?”

Good questions, Kristy, but no plan.

I try again.

I picture myself hitting the podium to emphasize my point that we must repeal NAFTA––which decimated Mexico’s agricultural sector––and punish U.S. companies that conduct unethical business abroad, like Wal-Mart, for example. I picture myself demanding that the U.S. government open the borders because human rights shouldn’t be determined by an accident of birth––especially in a time when photos, words, ideas, and corporations transcend borders every day.

I don’t actually think I’m qualified enough to speak in front of Congress about immigration reform. It’s just… I think the people who hear immigration stories most often are other immigrants. And most of the people who determine border laws are not immigrants. In my daily life, I hear lots of stories like this. When politicians walk into a grocery store, they just get guavas.

And so the borders stand.

If I could be anything, I would like to be a bridge.

 


 


 

Las Guayabas

A Brief History of Costumes

I have costume block.

Halloween is two weeks from now, and I don’t know what I’m going to be. Devin and I are invited to childhood-faves theme party, so I have a lot of ideas, but they all seem really hard to make. For example, we could dress up as characters from our respective Sesame Streets. Devin could be Big Bird from the U.S. version of Sesame Street, and I could be Abelardo from Plaza Sésamo, Mexico’s version of Sesame Street. I’m into the idea, but it totally breaks my costume rules. When it comes to costumes, my goal is for them to be 1) easy to make, 2) inexpensive, and 3) sweatshop-free. The last part is the hardest because there are so many cool costumes you can buy in stores, but they are all made in horrible conditions (do you ever think that the womp womp sound effect is the perfect soundtrack to life under capitalism?). When I can’t find another alternative, sometimes I buy very small things, like pipe cleaners or felt, that are made in sweatshops. Anyway, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to make our costumes out of feathers, but maybe I will find a way.

In the meantime, I’ve been looking at pictures of costumes online, and I stumbled upon a lot of my own costumes from previous years, which I am sharing with you in hopes of earning costume-inspiration karma in time for Halloween. ; )

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Beatniks

city-mouse-country-mouseCity Mouse, Country Mouse

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Our fastest costume: Frida Kahlo and Leon Trotsky. We were going to a party and hadn’t thought of a costume until 15 minutes before it started.

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Audrey Hepburn in How to Steal a Million

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American Gothic in sepia

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Possibly my worst costume of all time. I layered purple clothes and called myself The Color Purple.

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My scariest costume of all time: notorious anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly.

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg

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George and Jane Jetson at a very rainy parade. (You can’t tell, but Devin is wearing blue polyester pants.)

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French Toast

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During the recession, I was a bear market. I don’t know why the “sexy Halloween” industry hasn’t capitalized on this. Think about it: “sexy bear market” or “bare market,” and of course, the men’s version would be “strong bull market.” (Honestly, I really dislike scary costumes and sexy, hyper-gendered costumes, but somehow I still love Halloween.)

And finally, my favorite costumes of all time…

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Pizza Rat

and

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the subway.

A Brief History of Costumes

Ring, eat, repeat

bells

Recently, I joined a writing group with a reward/punishment system to create accountability. It started out simply enough. We each had to create punishments to give ourselves in the event that we did not meet our weekly writing goal (most had to do with bringing snacks for everyone else in the group). But then someone had the idea to ring a shame bell every time someone failed to meet their goal. And someone else decided that it would boost morale if people got to ring a success bell every time they did meet their goals. So we unwittingly became a writing group centered around ringing bells and snacks. No, the Pavlovian connotations are not lost on me. Yes, I am cringing a little. No, I won’t give up the bells or the snacks, thank you very much. The man was clearly on to something.

This week two of our members had to drop out of the writing group, and when I heard the news, my first thought was, “But how will they write without bells?” I made it my mission to find some for them, and luckily, I found a whole shelf of bells at the thrift store. The hard part, it turns out, is not finding bells but finding bells that don’t commemorate a significant wedding anniversary. Most of them say 25th Anniversary or have 50 written in huge gold cursive letters, and why is that?

Were they gifts exchanged by couples to symbolize their undying devotion? After all, nothing says love like, “You can ring this bell anytime you need something but don’t want to get out of bed.” (Maybe this seems particularly romantic to me because it’s cold in the mornings now, and the thought of being able to ring a bell and have Devin bring me a warm fluffy robe to make getting out of bed slightly less painful, makes me want to fast-forward to our twenty-fifth anniversary tout de suite, even though, now that I’ve admitted this, I’m pretty sure I’ll never get an anniversary bell.)

My other theory is that these bells were gifts for guests at anniversary parties––ceramic precursors to the dreaded-but-somehow-omnipresent commemorative t-shirts. (What’s the deal with those? Related: what happens to shirts that commemorate something that doesn’t end up happening.)

I don’t think we know enough about the fine American tradition of commemorative consumer goods, and maybe that should be your next writing project? Let me know. I’ll send you your bells.

Ring, eat, repeat

an anniversary video

Usually on our anniversary, I like to post a wedding picture, but I figure everyone has probably already seen all of them. Multiple times. (What’s the statute of limitations on posting pictures from your wedding? Are You There, Emily Post? It’s Me, A Millennial.)

This was also the first anniversary we spent apart, so I asked Devin if we could make a Q&A video (partly because we played a Q&A game at our wedding and partly so I could watch it on our anniversary and laugh at Devin side-eyeing me with the fire of a thousand suns).

It’s been a couple of months since our anniversary, but this has never been a timely blog, so here it is for your enjoyment/bafflement. Happy anniversary, Devin! I love you.

an anniversary video