The time I turned twenty-three

This year I spent my birthday feeling a little out of sorts. All of my very best friends in New York gave me lovely presents and surprises, but for most of the day I was alone in this big city I am trying to call home.

I felt like I should feel lucky to have the day off on my birthday—a Tuesday, no less—and I should be happy exploring New York by myself, because I have always dreamed of living here and now I do. But the truth is, I felt lonely and overwhelmed despite my best efforts to feel otherwise.

This led to me getting upset with myself for not being happier, more thankful, more well-adjusted. It went like this: first, I got upset at myself for not feeling like a New Yorker and for wondering if I’m not cut out for this place after all. Then, I got upset at myself because isn’t living in New York and hating it the biggest cliché of all?

This emotional catch-22 lasted until I talked to a girl on her way to get a tattoo symbolic of her hometown. She told me she was moving back home after living here for a year and wanted to get something to remind her that she’d come to New York for a reason. ‘It wasn’t to live here; it was to realize how much I love home.’

Just writing that puts me at ease. When I mulled it over, I realized the reason I came to New York was to grow. I may not have a favorite restaurant or a dream job, but I am certainly learning something and striving to be a better person every day. And this is exactly what I want my life to be about.

When I think about my twenty-third birthday, I hope I’ll remember this lesson…and one of my favorite birthday parties ever. (It happened the Friday after my birthday, which was a MUCH happier day.)

Do you want to see pictures?

Anda and Tasha helped me put up these streamers.
Most of the food and flowers came from the Union Square farmers’ market! All the drinks were sparkly.
This is my soul in cake form.
Everyone ate and talked and had fun (I hope). Some people made hats and drawings. I got to see friends I hadn’t seen in ages!
There was the traditional singing of ‘Happy Birthday’ followed by the traditional blowing out of candles.
I finally found a birthday dress the day before my party! I’ve written before about my clothing politics and am proud to report this is a vintage find. That belt, also vintage, is one of my first attempts at accessorizing. Do you want to know what the buckle is?
A horse!

Thanks to Jess and Tasha for the majority of these pictures.  Thanks to all my friends and family for a terrific birthday, overall.

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The time I turned twenty-three

3 thoughts on “The time I turned twenty-three

  1. Aw, happy belated birthday, you look so lovely!! I hope you can continue to grow in NY – and that you’ll even find that favorite restaurant!

    I’m stopping over from 20SB where I noticed you’re a new member. Welcome, Kristy!

  2. Caren says:

    Baby, love the dress! and the cake, and the fewd!

    Espero que ahora estés más contenta! yo sé que te va a ir super bien en NY, simplemente con estar ahí ya estas cumpliendo un sueño!
    Poco a poco te vas a ir acomodando, las ciudades grandes son monstruos grandes y crueles cuando no los conoces, pero con tu dulzura, simpatía e inteligencia, vas a conquistar! estoy segura de que tu y NY van a ser grandes amigas.

    Espero poder visitarte pronto!
    besos!

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