My Funny Valentines

On Valentine’s Day, I got to be an extra in an ad. The ad was for whiskey, but we were actually sipping on a mixture of apple juice and coffee. (Delicious and avant-garde! Sure to be a hit at your next brunch!)

I arrived at the photo shoot and immediately liked two of my fellow extras. They were funny and gregarious! They were not too cool to talk to me! Throughout the shoot, I lamented my lack of friend-making savvy. If only I were more like my mother blah blah, etc.

Thankfully, one of the extras suggested we go to my favorite coffee shop after the shoot. When we got there, the barista took one look at me and, before I could say “soy latté,” he asked me if I was Kristy. I am Kristy, but I had no clue who he was. “It’s been a while…” he trailed off, leaving me with no choice but to stammer, “Yeah—um—who—I don’t recognize…”

“I’m [generic boy name with interesting spelling].”

Cue the memory montage of meeting [generic boy name with interesting spelling] at a Cat Power show, being serenaded on the guitar to Elliott Smith and Bob Dylan, hearing about his passion for latté art and his dream of working at a snobby coffee shop (mission accomplished). It all ended with him reading me a farewell letter from his Moleskin notebook at a bus stop, asking to kiss me, & yelling, “Miss you already!” as I boarded the bus.

I should clarify that this epic saga lasted all of two and a half weeks during which we saw
each other three times. But! If I leave out that part (and the minor detail that we just weren’t that into each other), I think I have the perfect indie love story on my hands.

I mean, what are the chances of running into each other four years later on the opposite coast of the country? And did I mention that he made a perfect latté art heart on my drink?! (Everyone else got platonic palm fronds.) Tweak the ending to happily ever after, add “handwritten” titles & credits along with a sweet indie pop soundtrack. Ta-dah, love story of our times.

Please advise me on how to sell a movie idea to a major studio. Aesthetically, it should be a mix between The Science of Sleep and 500 Days of Summer. I’d like Emily Haines to do the soundtrack. I’d also like it to be teeming with product placement and for much money to be given to me. Please and thank you.

Back to the pretentious coffee house of my dreams, I sat there dumbfounded and tried to look normal while getting to know my new friends. A few minutes later my phone buzzed thanks to my cousin Vanessa, who asked if I wanted tickets to the Harlem Globetrotters. This turned out to be the perfect way to cement a friendship as my new friends were totally down to see the globe’s best b-ball team!

So, let’s recap: on Valentine’s Day I learned that it’s easy to make friends. All it takes is getting a job as an extra in an ad, going to your favorite coffee shop with other extras, having a weird experience, and getting free tickets to a comedic basketball game just in time to invite your potential friends. Um yeah, I’m still mystified. Please advise me on how to make friends.

Also, does anyone have coffee shop recommendations in Williamsburg? I have to find a new favorite.

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My Funny Valentines

5 thoughts on “My Funny Valentines

  1. issy says:

    product placement? more importantly, who would play you and what would she wear?

    i was thinking you could call the movie NY-PORT (after nylon) but it sounds kinda awk.

    1. product placement = $$$$$. also, i love product placement! every time i recognize something in a movie, i get really excited.

      a short actress who is about my age would play me, & she would wear kate spade. so. much. kate spade. who are some up-&-coming short indie it girls?

      i think it should be called ‘foam’ because love, like latté art, is ephemeral.

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